For ever so brief a period I was in a relationship.  I even changed my FB status to read 'in a relationship' - it felt great.  I had to change it back to single today.  It breaks my heart.  This was the first time in a long time I actually thought I had a chance.  I was wrong.  Again, a case of not knowing what I was up against.  I thought I asked all the right questions.   I didn't.  There were unseen forces at work, again, which were out of my field of vision.  This is the beginning - the time when it's all magical and light and happy.  Things are supposed to flow and be fun.  I wasn't ready for the dark side of the relationship to surface this early on.  I am not ready to be avoided.  I'm not strong enough to avoid taking it personally.  Ignoring and avoiding me is bad in my book.  It's not a good way to start out.  I had blue moments myself but I never wanted to be away from him nor did I avoid him.  Quite the opposite.  When I was in those moods I wanted him around me - more than ever.  Sometimes just to hear his voice was all I needed.  I feel so stupid now for that.  For all of it.  His pulling away is the ultimate rejection.  We're too new for me to be able to occupy myself with other things while he digs himself out of this.  I can't believe my heart is breaking again.  Why would anyone want to get back up on this horse?