I kind of took the easy way out of that last one and used my boyfriend from 1st grade.  My thoughts on love are so different now.  I "thought" I was in love with each and every boyfriend I've ever had.  I wish I was one of those people that made you earn my love.  I'm not.  I have a big heart and I give it away too soon.  (I'm not that easy - other stuff you have to wait for!!!)  My definition of love is so completely different from what it was when I was in my 20's.  I dated Rich right out of high school for the next 6 years.  There were a few breakups (his) and one long discussion on our 4th Christmas together.  We were not getting married - he wasn't any closer after 4 years.  So I put him on notice that we could still go out but the next guy who came along that was interested, he was history.  I think he thought I was bluffing.  It took another 2 years but along came Jack.  When I broke up with Rich (did it before I started even talking on the phone to Jack) he was stunned.  All of a sudden NOW he's ready to be married.  I told him that wasn't good enough.  I don't want him to be ready just because I'm leaving.  Where was this when the feelings changed?  Why didn't you say something then?  No, I had moved on in my heart two years prior.  I don't go back - never have.  There's a reason it didn't work out. 

I spent 4 years with Jack - 3.5 longer than I really should have.  That wasn't love.  That was me being swept off my feet because the first guy in over 6 years was interested in me.  ME!  He could tell me what I wore on my very first day on the job.  THAT'S how far back he liked me.  That should have been a warning for me.  He took advantage of everything.  He ruined me in so many ways.  I've been trying for 10 years to get girl back he destroyed.   He was bad in every sense of the word.  I've told a lot of you about him but no one knows everything.  I wonder if keeping it in all these years is part of why I haven't gotten the old me back.  Perhaps I need to get more of what an ass he was out in the open.  Future blogs might tackle some of those issues - when I'm feeling strong enough. 

I still believe in love.  I still want it to happen.  Now a days I tell people who ask that I have never really been in love.  Not by my current definition.  Here's to hoping!!!!!!