Day 4 - my views on religion

I was raised a practicing Catholic.  We went to church every Saturday at 5pm.  I liked that Mass - it was the guitar choir.  They were awesome.  Must be where my love of music got started (oh and with Mom singing along to the radio or the records she would play!).  We sat in the same pew every week.  Never missed a holiday.  I grew up to become a CCD teacher (Sunday School for you non-Catholics) and spent 21 years doing that.  (No, that is not a typo - I started at the tender age of 17, a high school senior - scared out of my mind to face a room full of 7 year olds!  Back then there were 17 to a class!)  I just retired this year.  That's the longest I've done anything in my life!  Thank you Mr. Wiseman for believing in me when I didn't believe in myself!!! That reminds me, I need to send him a card!)  21 First Communions every May, 21 First Reconciliations every January.  I was good at it.  Course, because I was teaching I could justify missing Mass.  There were changes at the Parish and the priests were becoming more out of touch.  (Get to know the people and the workings behind the scenes and boy can you become disillusioned!)  I believe in God, Jesus, Mary and the Saints - I pray all the time.  I don't think God is going to be mad at me if I don't sit in the building and attend every week.  When my Father died Mom would have a Mass said for him every month.  We go then (when someone remembers!) 


I can't call myself a practicing Catholic anymore.  Sure, there are problems the Church - there is with every religion.  One of the reasons I had to stop teaching was because I was starting to question what I was telling the kids.  I believe in forgiveness and asking for it.  I subscribe to almost all the rules there but when I peel back the layers I'm left with some questions about how and why.  Mom used to joke that the Gospels were written by 4 drunk guys.  How accurate could they be?  (The very first time I was teaching a class and the subject matter of wine drinking came up I had to laugh out loud - Mom's comment was so true!!!) Plus, everything was passed along verbally for a time THEN written down.  We've all played telephone - you know what comes next!  Add to that the role of women in the church - or the LACK of a role of women.  It's 2011 and we're still operating under thousand year old rules.  Since I don't believe in all the rules (homosexuality isn't a sin in my book - it's not a choice, yes I believe in Marriage and it should be for life but I do not believe someone should be punished for marrying and finding out you made a terrible choice) I have to call myself someone who has a deep sense of spirituality and faith.  I wish everyone could experience the peace I feel when I have my little heart to hearts with God.  I cannot imagine NOT believing in God.  The world would be so bleak.